My friend Joel just sent me a lyric called "The Boat or The Bridge" to start a songwriting collaboration... and it sparked an email detailing my innermost goals and desires when writing lyrics...
So here's his lyric followed by my response, for posterity I think:
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From: joel@.com
Subject: The Bridge or the Boat
Date: May 29, 2008 5:13:11 PM GMT-04:00
To: charlie@.com
I'll leave mental imagery and stylistic interpretation to you, although if I fall in love with what you do I'll probably add bass, drums, keys and harmonies 'cause I already hear some of that in the mists of my mind.
The verse/chorus/bridge/instrumental arrangements are merely suggestions.
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The Bridge or the Boat
You're undecided about how to cross
Do you play it safe, or risk the loss?
Time's running out, you've got to choose
Don't believe when they say you've got nothing to lose
Chorus:
Napoleon called; your bridge is ready
Let go the tiller; I'll keep it steady
Slip o'er the gunwale (gunnel) and fight the eddy
Napoleon called; your bridge is ready
Doesn't matter what you read in some Shakespeare sonnet
You're just treading water, not walking on it
The bridge or the boat; neither's what you envision
Can't choose not to choose; that's still a decision
Chorus
Bridge (with instrumental either before or after or both)
Too many clichés to list 'em all
Be careful of standing, lest you fall
Don't leap without looking, so they say
Or put off 'til tomorrow
What should be done today
Chorus
Fear has its power but it's no way to live
I've done what I can, given all I can give
Can't tell if you're mulling or just asleep
Won't you open your eyes and take faith's leap
Chorus
instrumental
Chorus
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From: charlie@.com
Subject: Re: The Bridge or the Boat
Date: May 29, 2008 6:41:01 PM GMT-04:00
To: joel@.com
Hey Joel, stylistically I'd want the lines to have more nouns... cool?
Rather than "You're undecided about how to cross"
I'd want something like:
As he jams twenty ton pilons into watery sludge
Construction crane fumes like glue in his lungs
His pontoon boat's parked off highway 28
In the mini storage, plastic wrapped, coated in dust
A tall ship's sails catch the corner of his eye
Seagulls diving in the silvery wake
Diesel fuel on the water like oil in a pan
He sees his life is broken but it's soldered shut
Chorus:
They never sailed, they'd always drive
Nine years of wanting trapped inside
He still builds bridges through the bays
But he's never sailed
And she drove away
Know what I mean? Not that my lines rhyme or fit your meter or your story, lol. And that chorus I wrote feels weak to me... in fact, this probably has nothing to do with the song you started at all, but that style of writing is what I'm into, cranks my alternator. I'd usually work harder making it rhyme and stay in meter. :-)
I like to see the picture painted first, with all five senses if possible, then add one line of remorse, regret, or steely determination to shape the story. I like to smell the exhaust, taste the greasy hamburger, feel my finger on the car window, hear the clicking metal, see the discarded wet newspaper... then discover what the person in the frame is torn up about. Describe in just a couple of words what they've chosen to do in that moment of stress. (jump, smash, leave, love, forgive, forget, kill, die, etc).
So... is it OK if I ask for another take? Feed it through the typewriter again? I'd like to see you describe a scene in the tiniest detail, show don't tell. No asking, no telling, just showing. Then let a character choose their action and we're done. If we can add remorse, anger, or regret inferentially, even better.
:-)
-Charlie
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That's it, just felt like a cool thing to post on my blog. I dunno, an examination of what makes me tick I guess. Today. Feels like blog material.
:-)