Charlie Cheney's "We Can Have Pie!" song in mp3 format

All right kids and kiddens... it's time to make great pie crust. Why? Because we love pie! So, here is the ultimate instructional tutorial to help you make home made pie crust right there in the comfort of your own... home. Hooray! OK, let's begin.

Start with the basic ingredients and tools. Flour, shortening, salt, ice water, mixing bowl, tablespoon, and two knives to cut the dough.

Add three cups of flour to the mixing bowl. I always work in multiples of three, it's easier to measure the shortening later.

Add some salt, a 1/2 teaspoon per cup of flour... so let's say 1 1/2 teaspoons for three cups flour, cool?

Add 1/3 cup shortening per cup of flour. So, for three cups flour, it's exactly 1 cup shortening. Important to use fresh shortening! I actually mix Crisco and a generic store brand half and half as well to save a little moola.

Cut the shortening into the flour/salt mixture with two knives. The goal is to get the shortening to pea-to-marble size bits... but don't over cut to make the bits too small... the varying size adds flakiness.

Once the shortening is cut into the flour, add 3 to 4 tablespoons of cold water per cup of flour and mix it all in. 3 Tablespoons per cup of flour is never enough it seems, and 4 can be too much. Make the water ice cold for best results.

Cut the cold water into the flour/salt/shortening mixture with the knives for a bit... just a little really, then use your hands to form the mixture into a ball.

Form the mixture into a ball. Once the crust mixture has been formed into a ball, you can refrigerate it for an hour if you like. This will add elasticity.

Take the large ball of crust and separate it into equal size pieces to roll out.

To roll out your crust, spread some flour on the counter top, sprinkle a little flour on the dough, and spread some on your rolling pin too to keep the dough from sticking to everything. Then begin to roll out your crust.

As you roll the dough, alternate directions and flip the dough over occasionally to make the roll out evenly and in a basic circle or oval pattern. Continue to sprinkle flour as needed.

To help roll the dough more thinly and evenly and to keep it from sticking to the counter top or to your rolling pin, sprinkle flour onto your dough regularly as you're rolling.

Continue to roll the dough out until it is as large and thin as you can reasonably make it without breaking the dough. It needs to be significantly larger than your pie plate for example.

The rolled out crust can be difficult to pick up without breaking it, so fold it over in half first... then fold it over in quarters before trying to pick it up.

And then into quarters...

Once you've folded the crust into quarters, you can pick it more easily and lay it inside your pie plate or pie tin.

Lay the center of the crust in the center of the pie tin and carefully unfold it again.

And unfold it again...

Once the pie crust is unfolded in the pie tin, you can add your internal pie filling (apple, blueberry, pumpkin, etc). Once the filling is in, you can roll out another crust and place it on top if desired, depending in the type of pie you're making.

You can place the unused pie crust in a bowl for short term storage in the refrigerator if you like. I usually get a paper towel *barely* damp and lay it over the top of the bowl before I put it in the fridge to keep the dough moist but not wet. Plastic wrap is fine too. It can last in the fridge for a day, but probably not more than two or three days.

<h2>Special Bonus Section -- Cornish Pasties!</h2>

Besides using pie crust for traditional apple, pumpkin, or blueberry pie, you can also use it for cornish pasties or "meat pies" for lunch or dinner. First cube up some potatoes to boil them.

You can put any type of meat you like in pasties (or none at all for vegetarians). Traditionally people use ground beef or steak, but in this Thanksgiving recipe I diced up some left-over turkey.

I like to dice up the turkey into bite size pieces so you can eat the pasty with just a fork, no knife required.

Boil up the cubed potatoes so they're just tender. They'll cook in the oven for 35 minutes as well, so no need to cook them to mush here. Just par boil them enough so a fork will go in but not through, capiche?

After you've boiled and drained the potatoes, saute some diced onions in a little olive oil for a couple of minutes until they're soft...

As I'm frying up the onions I may prepare some other vegetables to saute as well, Diced up carrots, celery, or zucchini are great. Par boiling some rutabagas (just like the potatoes earlier) is also great.

After the onions are soft, I added in the drained par-boiled potatoes and the diced turkey and sauteed it all for a few minute. I mixed it all together primarily so I could add some pepper, seasoning salt, and thyme.

When I add thyme, I usually just pour a bit into the cap of the jar and sprinkle it into the pan from the cap.You only need 1/2 teaspoon or so... I just eye it up. Using the cap saves me from accidentally pouring the whole bottle in though, lol.

Now that the pasty filling is ready, go back and place your pie crust on an oven-ready sheet pan or cookie tray.

Place the pasty filling mixture (in this case potatoes, onions, and turkey) on the pie crust, sort of on one side of the crust, as if you were filling half the plate.

I like to sprinkle some cheddar cheese on top of the filling as well.

Now fold the crust aver the whole mixture and roll up the edges. Start on one end and roll the crust edges together all the way to the other side

Lightly squeeze the edges together as you roll them up. The finished pasty will look something like this when it's ready to go into the oven. See how the edges of the folded over crust are rolled up and pressed together to sort of "seal" the pasty and make a pie.

Place the pasty into the oven and bake. 35-40 minutes at 425 degrees.

I usually bake them for 35 minutes at 425 degrees. They should be golden brown when they're ready.

You can also wrap the pasties in tin foil and store them in your freezer. In fact, I usually make 30 or 40 at a time so I can microwave one and eat it whenever I want. My kids prefer it if I re-heat them in the oven as they're crispier that way.

When the pasty is ready, cut portions with a spatula and put them on a plate to serve.

Some people like to eat pasties with salt and pepper, others might like ketchup, and some like barbecue sauce or even ranch dressing. Be creative.

To store them in the freezer, I usually wrap them in tin foil first, then keep 6 or 7 wrapped ones in a gallon freezer bag.

The pasty wrapped in tin foil can be re-heated in the oven really easily. Just place them in the oven frozen and reheat at 400 degrees for about 30 minutes, or unwrap them and heat them in the microwave for about 3 minutes.

There it is! Now you know how to make perfect pie crust for regular pies... and for Cornish pasties too. Don't forget to sing or hum to yourself joyfully while you cook... it's funner. :-)

-Charlie